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Three soyjak soldiers

Soyldiers are a category of soyjak variants portrayed as soldiers. They took part in the military intervention into the Mental Asylum during the martial law following the great insurrection of 2020.[1]

Life of a Soyldier

The day-to-day life of a soyldier isn't too far off from that of an average wagie, albeit they at least get actual exposure to the sun and exercise. They stand around in the middle of a desert all day, carrying a general-issue rifle that they have to clean dust out of every hour despite the fact that they'll probably never use it in a real gunfight. They live off of a rigorous diet of Crayola packs and standardized goy-rations, in addition to washing all of it down with the diesel fumes they inhale everyday repairing their vehicles. On their leisure-time they might play some vidya or jerk off to rock formations that resemble female anatomy just barely enough to get the imagination going.

Despite the constant statement soyldiers will make about "muh bravery and 'onor", the most they really do when it comes to facing a threat is drone-striking camel-jockeys miles away from any actual danger. Occasionally they'll sometimes leave base and actually engage an enemy force while on patrol routine, however the odds are rarely ever against them since the worst their opposition usually has to fight with are shitty IEDs or old Soviet weapons that haven't been properly maintained since the CIA gave them to the Al-Qaeda in the 1980's.

Soyldiers and most modern military forces in general have been reduced to being armed paperweights for shitty third-world countries that don't know how to manage their own governments. Maybe if they're lucky enough, a PMC will offer them a nice contract to kill some random spics in Mexico or Brazil for a cartel organization.

Known Soyldiers

  • S.O.R 1st Captain Mark Soilent
  • S.O.Y.T Officer
  • General Soyowadd
  • You

In popular culture

You WILL stand next to the cart.

The recent renaissance of the Soyical Arts in the Soy Community has spurred on soy historians to search for traces of soy culture throughout the annals of history. Soon, personal armies were discovered wandering around Said personal armies will follow anyone and everyone's lead in the name of fighting against the enemies of Soy. Under this new lens, it was discovered that the soldier from Team Fortress 2 may, in fact, have been a soyldier, as he had many proto-soiish tendencies evident in his voicelines.